My Push-Up Bra Will Help Me Get My Man

Tat Tat Tatted Up!

("If you're a bird, I'm a bird")

Justin Bieber got tat tat tatted up! Over the weekend, news reports claim (yes, because his getting a tattoo requires national attention) that he was spotted on the beaches of Sydney shirtless (ow oww...a 12 yr old shirtless) sporting a bird tattoo on his lower hip. When asked by the media as to why, he explained “The ‘bird in flight’ symbol is a popular one among Bieber men.” Umm, don’t lie little man. The reason you got a bird tattooed on your little prepubescent self was because you love twitter. Just face it; you’re a tweet-a-holic, bieber boy! Either that or you really like seagulls, because after looking very closely at your hipbone (which made me feel very dirty and wrong, by the way. I had to keep turning around, in fear that Chris Hanson was lurking in the shadows behind my desk), it appears to look just like those dirty birds that hang out at the beach or flock together in the Big Lot’s parking lot. Justin, why you got a tattoo of something that is known for pooing on people’s heads and traumatizing to young children is beyond me. But hey, whateva floats ya boat JB! I guess a little birdie on the hipbone is better than a Chinese symbol on your lower back area; aka: “The Tramp Stamp region”.

Miley's Full-Grown!

(She's just bein Miley!)

You go Miley Cyrus, you go girl! Whew, that felt good getting that off my chest. The little tween deserves some praise for once. She’s constantly getting bashed by the media for “growing up”. Well, the kid had to do it some time. Did people honestly believe she’d be wearin a blonde wig and singin Disney songs such as, ‘Hoedown Throwdown’ for the rest of her life? I didn’t think so. Girl’s got talent. She can sing, she can act, and she actually wears underwear. Basically, she’s a trifecta. Oh, and did I mention that she provides the less fortunate with clothing? Yup. She started a clothing line at Walmart. I bought a pair of Miley shorts for myself the other day, ACTUALLY.

So let me address the important issue of the moment; Miley Cyrus’s new video “I Can’t Be Tamed”. I mean, this is such important news that it’s made the headlines of CNN, ABC News, and National Geographic. (Yea...last one I improvised.) In one article, they write “Writhing in a large nest within a giant birdcage, the 17-year-old pop star, wearing S&M-style gear, looks provocatively at the camera complaining that she feels like a specimen.” Ok, I’m sorry, but if she’s clad in ‘S&M gear’ I’ll eat your hat. She’s wearing a black leotard for heaven’s sake! She’s got bird feathers glued to her, has a makeup artist who obviously doesn’t know how to apply eyeliner, is dancing around lookin like she just had ice poured down her back, and is swimming around in a giant bird’s nest. I’m sorry, but in my book, that doesn’t exactly scream ‘sexy’. Girl’s just havin fun! Good, clean, youngster-type fun! I mean, she’s just a tot practically in a cage with all of America watching her every move. Oh ho hooo…now I get it! ‘Can’t be tamed’….and in a cage…with spectators around….smart Miley, very smart girlfriend! Yoooouuuu got me!